


If the shoe fits…

by monaboyd_archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-01-02
Updated: 2004-01-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 11:52:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7639129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monaboyd_archivist/pseuds/monaboyd_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Billy and Dom find they have more in common that friendship!</p>
            </blockquote>





	If the shoe fits…

**Author's Note:**

> This silly piece of writing was sparked by the Camper exhibition photos where Billy and Dom are smelling shoes, and a photo of Billy wearing high heels and Dom with his toenails painted which appeared on Boydism. My bestest buddy Widdershin gave me the seed of a thought... Perhaps she shouldn’t have!
> 
> * * *
> 
> Note from Shirasade: this story was originally archived at the Monaboyd.net Archive, which was closed in September 2014 due to software issues and a lack of new submissions for several years. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in October 2014. I e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact me using the e-mail address on the Monaboyd.net Archive collection profile.

“Fuck Billy you have big feet for a little bloke,” exclaimed Dom, looking down to watch Billy take off his new shiny black shoes, which were killing him.

“Thank you very much Dom. You know what they say, the size of a man’s feet determine the size of his….”

“Ego,” Dom completed his sentence.

“Penis,” Billy got in. “So by your reckoning I must have an extremely large member.  
“A monster,” I’ve been quoted as saying.

“You’d have thought I would have noticed how big your feet are for a little fella,” said Dom, emphasising little.  
“Seeing as how we spent so much time having things done to ours in makeup and all. But no, I spent most of my time with your bum to my face farting.” added Dom

“And what a splendid farter I am too. Another large feature of Mr.Billy Boyd. Massive farts and enormous penis. That should be on my resume.”

Dom could see he was not going to win the jibe competition this time.  
“Feet really hurting you then?”

“Yeah. I love these new shoes. Very good quality leather. But it’s still hard. They look great, but they’re fuckers to wear in.”  
Billy bent down, took off his socks, and waggled his feet in the cool air, which provided slight relief. As with all people, for some reason he had to watch his feet when he did this, as if watching them would help.

Dom bent down to pick up one of the shoes to examine it.  
“Mmmm……..nice hard leather,” he said.

“Yeah, said Billy, grabbing one of his feet to massage more of the pain away. “They’re gorgeous shoes.”  
He began to examine his foot with increasing intensity.  
“Fuck, another blister he exclaimed, poking at it.  
“It’s all squishy,” he said.

Dom took the opportunity to sneak Billy’s shoe towards his nose. He breathed in quietly, a look of rapture on his face.

“You’re smelling my shoe!” Billy exclaimed, turning his attention from his foot to Dom with the initial intention of asking for a plaster.

“Am not!” said Dom, throwing the shoe on the floor quickly.

“You’re not now, no. But you were! You were smelling my shoe!” insisted Billy.

“I was looking at the leather Billy. You said it was nice leather, so I was looking at it,” said Dom, sounding rather defensive.

There was an embarrassed silence of quite a few minutes. Dom hoped Billy would forget the topic. Or was he coming up with another witty retort?

“I do that sometimes,” Billy said finally.

“What? Look at shoe leather?” said Dom.  
“That’s mighty fine shoe leather there,” he added.

“No,” said Billy.  
“Smell shoes.”

Dom didn’t reply.

“Especially if it’s hard leather like this,” he said, picking up the shoe and running his hand over it in appreciation. Dom thought that it must be his imagination, but Billy seemed to linger over the word ‘hard’. The fucker was mocking him!

“Stop taking the piss Billy,” said Dom.  
“I was just checking out your shoes, nothing more, nothing less.”

“You like shoes Dom?” questioned Billy.

“Fuck off Billy, you’re not funny.” said Dom.

There was another lengthy pause.

“I’m not trying to be.” Billy said eventually.  
“Shoes like this……….” he started.  
Billy’s expression glazed over as he caressed the shoe gently. His thumb moved back and forth over the smooth leather.

“You’re starting to get a hard on!” yelled Dom suddenly.

“I am not!” yelled Billy back, crossing his legs defensively.

“You are!” said Dom.

“Happens to the best of men at the best of times,” said Billy, realising fatalistically that the truth couldn’t be hidden.

“It’s the shoes isn’t it?” asked Dom.

Billy attempted to do his cute Pippin smile, then went to change the subject.

“We must practise that scene again Dom, the smoking scene, so that when we do the ROTK DVD commentary we can make some jokes about weed…….. Peter’s letting us be much more wicked on those commentaries since The Two Towers one.”

“Cos I do too.” said Dom.

“Do what?” asked Billy, wondering whether he meant smoking substances, or being wicked or…

“Like shoes,” said Dom.  
“…………..A lot, if you get my drift.” he added after a significant pause.

“Oh,” said Billy.

“Well, there you have it. Now the whole world knows that an ex girlfriend of yours was too rough with your balls……. and you know that I have a shoe fetish.” mumbled Dom.

“Yes, ok, here we go. Ribbing for the next six months. Tell Orlando. Tell Elijah. Yeah, that’s it, tell Elijah, he’ll tell the whole fucking world. Oh, and yes, tell Viggo. He’ll use it against me for months. I’ll have nothing to come back at him with that will beat this. I can just imagine……” ranted Dom.

“There’s a whole exhibition you know,” interrupted Billy.

“What? said Dom, the track of the conversation lost again.

“Of shoes,” said Billy.

“There is?” replied Dom.

“Yes,” said Billy, “in LA.”

“Sounds good.” said Dom.

“Very good,” smiled Billy.

“We could go…..” added Dom.

“We could, aye.” said Billy.

“Together,” added Dom.

“Of course,” said Billy.

“I could paint my toenails..” added Dom hesitantly.

“Thankyou very much,” said Billy, grinning and shifting uncomfortably again.


End file.
